Pardon the Interruption...

Life...it's what happens when you're making other plans. I've been away from blogging for two whole months, not because nothing was happening but rather too much was happening. My sweet, sweet mother, who had been ill for most of this year, did not get better and come to live with me as I had planned. Instead she got worse, went on to heaven and will never come to live with me...as I had planned. I am still reeling, healing and trying to figure out what comes next. I was part of that sandwich generation, the generation of folks who find themselves with kids (or one, anyway) still at home and needing to care for aging, maybe ill parents. We had made plans to do this and I had come to even joyfully anticipate it. I had hoped our youngest would be out of the nest and safely away at school before Mom came to live here, for reasons only parents of big ol' boys might get. I also thought it would be much farther away, years even. Well, my "sandwich" just fell apart when my mother died last month. All the plans I had to make her remaining years totally awesome just slipped out and fell on the floor like so much lettuce! Now what!? I, with the ever able help of my precious hubby and very supportive children, am trying to figure that out. My job hunt continues without success. My goal to reach my neighbors for Christ and to enjoy this second half of life to its very fullest still remain. Yes, the wind has gone out of my sails just a bit. I don't sleep very well many nights. I see images of her last days more often than I would like. I cared for her with lots of love and tenderness but not nearly long enough. I am suddenly much too aware of my own mortality and my new position as the reigning matriarch of this side of the family. My eyes still "leak" pretty often and I miss my dear, little Mama like I never thought I would. I know she is having a real time in heaven, enjoying sweet tea in a mason jar, swinging in some porch swing on a big, sweeping porch and maybe even having girl talk with Ruth Bell Graham! I'm glad for her, that she is whole, pain free and completely happy, but I'm a little sad for me. I've been warned that I may miss her for a very long time. I hope I get better at this grieving thing. I also know she would want me to go on and live my life, for a very long time, with lots of gusto. So, to that end, I am back. I'm going to move forward with as much grace as I can find and do the things I should be doing. Thanks for waiting...