Half Marathon Random Thoughts (or, the one where I admit being stupid.)

Today I "did" a half marathon, that is 13.1 miles. I can't say "ran" as I only did that for about 100 feet. The rest was merely a controlled fall or just a clumsy slog. It was quite the experience, however, and writing about it in narrative form escapes me at the moment so I think another 'random thoughts' post is in order.


-Always, always be sure to see a map of the route for a half marathon (or a whole one, for that matter) BEFORE signing up. In fact, it might be smart to actually go check out the route before race day. I failed on this point and boy am I sorry now.

-There is a huge difference between a "flat half" and a full on "trail run." Ask me how I know!

-I have now used a "Porto Potty" and consumed blue Gatorade...two things I promised myself I would never, ever do.

-CLIF bars are awesome and they made a huge difference in how I was able to perform - or not die, depending on one's perspective.

-I may have suffered some sort of brain damage in this event as I could not seem to make my body do what my brain was commanding. I also may or may not have seen mushrooms that looked exactly like the ones from Super Mario Brothers and quite possibly had an out of body experience.

-I have the sense of humor of a nine year old BOY! Shoes being swallowed by icky, sticky mud, followed by the distinctly "toot-like" sound that results from freeing them caused more than a few uncontrollable bouts of laughter.

-I might have said "Jesus!" and meant it several times during this trial (or trail.) I am certain my companion did.

-I fell...in slow motion...and we died laughing.

-My new shoes are completely covered in mud. I'm not too upset about that.

-All of me hurts. Maybe even my hair.

-My precious husband pulled off the greatest surprise and was waiting for me at the finish line. He rooted me on all through training, which ate up lots of hours and he is my biggest cheerleader. I hope to return the favor someday.

-My toenails (in all of their glittery fall orange glory) are all still in their designated places and I have no blisters! These concerns caused me to lose sleep. I'm just sayin'

-I imagined I looked pretty fit and cute rocking out my running clothes and neato cool race number. Then I saw photos...I looked like Jabba the Hut in stretchy pants...with lots of mud! None will be posted upon threat of death! (OK, maybe just our feet.)

-My companion, also known as my oldest daughter, Bethany, sang lovely, made up songs about how we were so gonna do this thing the entire last two miles! She is my hero. I also considered throwing in the towel at about mile marker 11 only to realize I would still have to walk back to my car which was parked just beyond the finish line! Duh! I did not quit.

-I learned that no matter how hard you train, how prepared you are and how much you want to do something, rain followed by mud, interspersed with fallen trees, rocks, both large and small, cacti, bow hunters, snakes, cliffs and more mud, cannot ensure a quick and simple event. Life is like that, too.

-Some people find such endeavors addictive. I am not one of them. This is it! I never need to do another race of any type, ever.

-I might relax my "no bumper sticker" rule and sport a new 13.1 window cling at least...seeing as how I earned it.

-I did this to prove to myself that I could and to mark a significant anniversary of another hard thing. That my husband and children are proud of me is a really sweet added bonus.

-I came in dead last and I don't even care. I finished before the cut off time and that was my goal.

Random Thoughts

I have it on good authority that some people appreciate and even enjoy posts of this type. This is my first attempt. We'll see.

-My boss says I "internalize" things. I work in customer service. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Would "externalizing" be a preferred approach? I think I might try that this week. I'll report back.

-I have heard two sermons (back to back, by two separate pastors) and read two separate books that referred to the "parable of the talents," all within the last month. I am beginning to think God might be saying something to me. I am thinking a lot about my life. How many "talents" have I received? What have I done with them? What will God say on the big day?

-I absolutely love fall. I do not, however, love man food. For the uninitiated, man food is stuff like chili, beef stew, hot wings, bratwurst, you know, meaty, greasy, heavy...well, man food. I am, however, surrounded by men as I have been blessed with four sons, two sons-in-law and one really terrific husband. They love man food. I love them. 'Nuf said.

-I have discovered Pinterest. I may be in trouble.

-I think about my Mama every day. I still miss her so much more than I ever imagined I would or could. Many days my thoughts of her bring a smile. Other days, not so much.

-On a related note...we all love reminiscing about the funny things my Mama used to say. I recall her mentioning a "wild hare" which I understood to be a wild HAIR. I pointed out the one I came to love that grew from her chin. She was not amused.

-On a still related but slightly different note...I regret giggling at the bearded and mustached lunch ladies I encountered in school cafeterias. I regret it and I repent. Because what goes around comes around, judge not lest ye be judged or Karma is a b****. Whatever your persuasion or belief system, never laugh at something you don't want to come home to roost. Consider yourself warned. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

-I taught nearly all of my kids to drive. I taught some of them to drive in a Ford E350 15 passenger van. They can drive anything. It is one of my prouder accomplishments.

-I have been training for about 10 weeks for a half marathon I plan to undertake on Saturday. I saw what I think is the route. I think I might be scared now. I wonder why I thought this was a good idea.

-I hate being accosted by the people hawking their wares from the kiosks at the mall. I really hate it.

-I grew up very poor. Our first years decades of marriage were also pretty lean. Two things will always mark affluence to me because they were the first to go when the money was tight on grocery day. They are fabric softener and Ziploc bags. I am thrilled to have both in my possession at the moment. I never stop thanking God for His blessings to us. Especially little things like zippie bags and soft clothes. I hope I never do.

-While I do not love man food and I really don't care for football, there is just nothing like the comforting drone of football on the TV on a lazy Sunday afternoon. My hubby lounges on the couch in his church clothes (minus the dress shirt, since he just ate chili.) It just means fall, and life is good.

Like water...

Some things are just better than others. We don't live in a world that acknowledges that consistantly. Sure we elevate lots of silly things to the "best" category. Electronic devices, movies, songs, singers, actors, cars, athletes...you name it. But principles or concepts? Anything goes there. Whatever floats your boat or works for you and yours, that's the best. We are to be tolerant and open minded and avoid assigning any particular value to life choices. I have thought a lot about this over the last couple of days. Maybe it's the political climate swirling around. Maybe it's something else entirely. This is what I think. If I love stuff, money, what others think of me and give my life to obtaining that over, say, what God thinks of me and cultivating contentment and a deep abiding relationship with Him, then that isn't good. Even if I say it is. If I put myself first and overlook, neglect or assign a lower place to the needs of those around me, whether they are mine or not, then that isn't good. Even if I say it is. If I use my time as I wish without thinking of the eternal significance of that time and say that is good, it doesn't make it so. If I use people to get what I want, accolades, financial gain, power or even vacations, that's not good. Even if I think it is. What in my life do I think is good that God says is not? Have I spent my days on things that really are the best, that matter, the eternal things, or should I have chosen another path?

One time several years ago I was asking some of these same questions and a sweet friend looked across the lunch table at me with tears welling in her eyes. She reminded me that I chose the life I was living and that it was a hard choice. Then, right there in Macaroni Grill, she picked up my water glass and poured it out on the table! Every.last.drop! She reminded me that my life was best spent "Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered...(2 Sam14:14) and that I was doing that every day, as unto the LORD. Most days I feel that way

                    but

                                    not

                                                        this

                                                                               day.....on      this       
                                                                                                                   day.... 

                                                                                                                               I

                                                                                                                     wonder if I

                                                                                                                             should

                                                                                                                                    have

                                                                                                                                    been an

                                                                                                                                          astronaut.

Slow Down

A loving reminder...

Let me linger for a moment

while you sleep upon my shoulder,

for it won't be many days

until I find that you are older,

and I'll have to run to catch you

just to hold you on my lap.

What a rich and fleeting pleasure

just to hold you as you nap.

For Jeremy, with love, from Mama

1991

How precious are those days, all of them, so don't be in a hurry. They are memories before you know it. Just remember to breathe it all in. Laundry, dusting, meals, washing dishes...all important, but nothing compares to lovin' those babies.

Inspiration

After a somewhat heavy post, I thought something bit lighter might be in order...even if it means two blogs in one day.

I have so enjoyed my smaller home and taking the time to decorate it the way we prefer. Taking the time means many things. Sometimes I don't have the funds or the time in my schedule to do what I want and other times I just don't know quite what should go in a particular spot or where to find it. The biggest wall in our living room was like that and I really pressed the hubs to wait with me until we knew what to do. I have done plenty of hasty decorating with less than perfect results. Not this time. I really needed some inspiration. He waited and then did lots of work to make it happen and I thought I might show how it turned out.

This was my jumping off point...

Thanks to Pottery Barn, I finally knew what I wanted to do with my big, square, blank wall. I didn't want to copy their design but I liked the mix of frames, some with art, others with photos along with the large, wooden initial and other art. I also appreciated the treatment of the table in front of the wall with the branches in the jar, the tray and other items to break up the flat, linear aspect of the wall. Problem was, the blue just didn't work with our color scheme and I absolutely HATE to paint. Mr. Brown took care of that.

He meticulously painted the wall a lovely green. He's really good at painting. I was blessed to receive a number of priceless and precious family photos from my uncles when they came to celebrate my Mama's homegoing. My sweet mother-in-law contributed some from her collection as well.  I selected and repainted frames for as many as possible and our project began. Did I mention that I hate to paint?

A certain artful daughter created this modern rendetion of a family tree at my request.

Then we carefully cut paper patterns for each piece to make selecting their location on the wall that much easier. While time consuming, it sure made repositioning and then hanging the actual frames, gears, and art that much easier in the end. And...fewer holes in the wall.

Here is the nearly finished work in progress. The gears were a special gift from oldest boy. The large empty frame held a prominent place at both daughters' weddings and now contains photos of their beautiful grandmothers...the small empty space now sports a pin-up photo of Nonnie Jean! While scandelous at the time it is quite tame by today's standards. She could really rock a bathing suit!

If you look closely you will see my wedding photo from the Austin American-Statesman, circa 1977, wedding photos of my children, parents and grandparents, my handsome Airman at about 18 and my sweet second son dancing with me at his wedding. I will continue to add and rearrange as our family grows but this is a great start, don't you think? I believe I might have been inspired.

If I had it to do again...

At this stage in life, thoughts often turn to times past and how we might handle them differently. I find that to be especially true as my nest continues to empty, grandchildren come on the scene and we celebrate another anniversary. Adding grandchildren (which will be covered in all of it's deliciousness in a future post) has elicited a few questions regarding my mothering choices. Not the least of which was "What would you do differently?" Honestly, besides a couple of  minor but poorly executed disciplinary episodes, I only have two real regrets from my now 31 years of motherhood.

I regret that I did not require consistantly that my children take on chores. Oh, they were required to help out but I had way too many failed attempts at chore charts, rewards, penalties, allowance, etc. We tried it all. I tried, I really did, but it just took longer and caused way more angst to require such things from my six offspring as laundry, dishes, cleaning bathrooms and other chores. The result of my many creative attempts was usually smelly laundry left in the washer for days (I had to move it to do mine!), dishes that never got done (was I going to let them pile up all day until the offending slacker got home from school?) beds that didn't get made (I may still be the only member of this great family that makes her bed every single day!) Bathrooms, it seemed, were my job for many years because we just didn't have the kid friendly cleaning products that are on the market today. I also really hated that kids could manage to get any product containing bleach on everything within a twenty foot radius. This included bath rugs, nice towels, shower curtains, their own clothes and even carpeting nowhere near the bathroom they were expected to clean. After a while, I decided it was indeed easier to just do it myself. Once they got older, I did require a certain level of cleanliness in their own rooms and even the bathrooms became their responsibility. This, only after decades of doing most of it myself. I worried that none of my kids would go forth into adulthood knowing how to take care of their living space or do their laundry. They have all proven me wrong, for the most part. They wear clean clothes, keep nice homes and seem to know how to keep bleach where it belongs. The regret is really that I just did too much and obsessed over things I probably should not have. I consider this a minor regret but if I had it to do over, I would keep at it, especially now that we have "Method" type cleaners. I have also shared this with my children who have asked and hopefully they will succeed where I did not.

My only other regret is more serious and still causes me much sadness. My hubby and I tried really hard to spend individual time with each of our children as they grew up and avoided the "mob" mentality often present in large families. He had dedicated times with our boys (lunches or fishing, or trips to guitar lessons, basketball or football practice, or some other regularly occuring event.) While I also spent time with the boys and he with the girls, my time with our daughters was a concentrated effort to initiate discipleship and develop a closeness as they grew into teens. At about 9 or 10 years old I started with a great study with each girl called "Growing Little Women." I still have these workbooks we went through together. It was a study designed to examine issues of integrity, peer pressure, purity, calling and roles and repsonsibilitites of young women. I loved doing this with my girls. At the end of the study I presented each one with a James Avery charm to add to their charm bracelets to commemorate the event. After the study was over, I continued to meet with our oldest throughout highschool, her wait for God's direction in her life, the long period of endurance before her beloved arrived in the US and their marriage. Even after that, since our hubbies both worked on Saturdays, we continued. It really just stopped being a regular part of our week in the last six months or so since they were blessed with a job rarely requiring Saturdays. It was a truly wonderful part of her growing up, for both of us. We didn't always do a formal study after the first one. We just chatted about whatever was important or even urgent at the time. I shared my life with her, memories from my young married/motherhood days and my own spiritual struggles. We laughed, we cried, we prayed with and for one another. We ate tons and tons of bagels!!!! That is most certainly not a regret. What is, though, is that my other daughter didn't want to continue. I don't think it was for any reason other than she just really wanted to go hang out with her friends. I didn't think it was a good idea to force her to spend time with me and besides that, I had five other children, homeschooling and a home to manage! Forcing her to meet with me seemed silly and I couldn't imagine it would be very productive. We talked now and then and I made a few attempts at a regular time together that didn't end well so I just gave up. I was homeschooling her, after all, wouldn't that be enough. The short answer? NO! Now, having the benefit of many more mommy years under my belt and seeing also how the story ended up, I would totally handle that differently. I would, even though it seemed ill-advised then, require her to spend a couple of hours alone with me each week. I would have endured the sulking and the rejection. I would, because now she (and I) really wish we had the closeness that concentrated time can foster. I would, because it would have been better for her and for me. I didn't let her decide other important parts of her growing up that I believed were in her best interest. For some reason, I saw this as different.  I would, because it is God's model for discipleship, for both parties. She would have become a more confident person, more assured of her position in Christ and more ready to face her future. I would have learned a perseverance that has been harder learned now. We would have dealt with some things that came home to roost just as she reached adulthood and moved into marriage. She recently moved a few hours away and it will be even harder for us to grow our relationship. I am determined to do it, but how much easier it would be had I pressed harder to spend close, concentrated time with her. I have shared this sad regret with the few that care. I have shared it with her. I hope that she will remember it should she be blessed with a similarly resistant daughter and work harder to foster a deep, close and lasting relationship. I love her to bits, and am so thankful that God can fix our boo-boos, build better relationships and soften the pain of regret.