Sunday, October 2, 2011

My New Job

Someone I love and trust and who knows about such things counselled me that the two most important things about one's job is feeling they are making a difference and that the people they work with and for care about them. I am so glad to now know that firsthand. I was very blessed to be offered a great job back in August and now that I have been there for six weeks, long enough for the honeymoon phase to wear off a little bit, I think I am ready to declare it a total win. While my work is most certainly not rocket science it is important enough that I am reminded regularly that I am appreciated. I am doing things in a slightly different setting than the last thirty something years but many aspects of my work are familiar. I get to find and solve problems and use skills I acquired during my years of full-time mothering in the areas of organization, conflict resolution, efficiency and cost savings. Some things are just pretty much the same no matter the setting. Also not unlike my years at home, I am surrounded by really wonderful people. I have the remarkable distinction of working for one of my sons' peers! Yes, my boss is someone I have known for 17 years, since he was in fifth grade with my second son. I have watched him grow up, go off to college, marry his sweetheart and embark on parenthood. He is smart, kind and very good at what he does and it doesn't hurt even a little bit that he loves God. Imagine sitting at lunch in a restaurant, across the table from your boss as he prays a blessing over the food or working nearby while he taps his pen and sings along with the Jesus music playing in the background. These are not qualities designed for show. He really is that guy. So is his Dad who co-owns the business. I thank God every day that in this loooonnnnggg journey He did not give me what I thought I wanted. This was the job for me. I am glad to go to work every day. I feel a real sense of belonging and accomplishment, maybe even that I make a difference, and that I am valued and cared for.

While I do enjoy going to work, there is the downside of seeing less of my husband and kids. As it happens, Mr. B has found ways to stay busy in my absence and even makes dinner now and then. I determined when I went back to work that I did not intend to drop any of the things I do for my family...hopefully I am doing pretty well. Hubby cooks because he wants to, not because I expect it. Only once or twice has he had to tell me he was out of socks or work shirts. I've had to change up my schedule a little bit but meals are getting cooked, laundry done and the house looks nice most of the time. Dating is still a priority as well. I checked with the remaining offspring living in my home and he assures me he is fine with me being gone as much as I am. No one in my family liked that I used to spend most days alone with not nearly enough to do. He knows where to find me, as does hubby and all the other kids who live nearby, and my work is flexible enough to allow for visits, texts, phone calls, etc. Didn't I say it was great?

This job has also afforded me a car and that makes hanging out with kids and friends a little bit easier. The money isn't bad, either. It's sweet that my honey likes to pack me a lunch for a change, something I've been doing for him for literally decades as well as serve me breakfast on his days off. And he seems to really likes to hear all my work stories. I'm pretty tired when I get home on some days but all in all this has been a wonderful transition. I love it when a plan comes together, especially when it was His plan.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Nine Years

I started to write this blog post two days ago, on September 29. Pretty soon it will become clear why I chose not to.

I'm one of those people who remembers where they were on significant days...I even remember what I was wearing and maybe what we had for dinner. Recently most of us recalled where we were and what we were doing on September 11, 2001. Others have vivid memories of natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunamis or fires. Some recall all too clearly the loss of a loved one. I have recollections of days not nearly as impactful as that.

Nine years ago, on September 29, 2002, we had just enjoyed a great lunch with our whole growing up family. I had a Caesar Salad with Grilled chicken and our waiter's name was Rex. I might even have bribed our college boys with such an outing if they came and heard their Daddy preach a really awesome sermon. I may or may not have done that before the date in question and even since. This day's particular sermon would turn out to be very apropos, we just didn't know how much. The sermon compared discipleship with military service, two areas of life in which my husband has accumulated quite a bit of experience. He made observations that often such service and commitment can be frightening and contain assignments we may find daunting. Nevertheless, we should press on, trusting God for the grace and strength to carry out each "mission."

After our great lunch we settled in for a rare Sunday afternoon nap and were soon interrupted by a call from oldest boy. He was in pain, probably a sports injury or the result of some stunt. Turned out he had been for several weeks, he just wouldn't come home from college to see the doctor. We told him to meet us at the nearby ER since we had good insurance and an X-ray should uncover the problem and get him back to school shortly. No need to wait for Monday and miss classes. We jumped in the car and expected to be home quickly. Since the boy in question was now a man, Dad went back to the exam area with him this time. Imagine my surprise when midnight came and went and I sat alone in the cold ER waiting room. I was reading with shock a Newsweek article about an uninsured college student diagnosed with cancer. I remember remarking to myself how glad I was we had good insurance on our college boys. I also remember noting that the nail polish on my left big toe was chipped, that my shorts were a bit too short for a woman in her early forties and that the hem was trying to come out of my navy blue T-shirt. It was then that the big doors opened and a doctor and my sweet hubby beckoned me to join them. I choked down worry....I entered the exam room to find college boy clearly enjoying some pain meds and a video game while standing in his sock feet wearing a hospital gown. Then I heard that ugly, ugly word, Lymphoma. The earth trembled, the walls closed in and suddenly I couldn't hear anything. I tried hard not to cry or be sick. I didn't want to frighten Nintendo boy. The next couple of weeks were a blur filled with many, many doctor's appointments, surgical procedures and treatment plans. The journey, the "mission" lasted a long seven months of chemotherapy, radiation and several hospital trips and now that wonderful boy is a great man, healthy and serving faithfully in Hospital Administration. It was very hard. We were sustained throughout by other "soldiers" and our able Commander and we are all different, in great ways, for having participated. Sadly, every September 29 for the years since that fateful day, I have felt those tremors, aftershocks if you will, recalling the sights, sounds, smells, and my chipped nail polish and too short shorts! Some years it was harder than others. Sometimes hubby would mark the day with a card, flowers or some time alone to reflect. A faithful friend who was there all the way would sometimes call or send an e-mail. There have been a couple of scares along the way, fearing cancer had returned. This year, however, the day came and went without any fanfare. No one reminded me and I decided not to mark it either. I just noted when I wrote in the date on a check, smiled and moved on. I don't know why really. Maybe time actually does heal or maybe there are just so many other big things going on now. Whatever the reasons, I am glad. The aftershocks have diminished, and tears flow only when I recall the event in detail such as this. God was a faithful friend then and continues to be now and that's really the best part of the story. Guess I'll soldier on. The missions await.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

On a date with my boyfriend!

Not that long ago, in the midst of raising all these fine kids we are so blessed to have, dates were often merely a respite from the fray of laundry and extra curricular activities, teacher conferences or just whatever kept our lives and calendar so full. Back then we usually just made a quick trip to a local fast food place so as not to be so far from home that we could not return quickly in an emergency...like the time two kids managed to fall through the front of a glass display case! Now that we have more free time and less stress, OK, more free time...we try to make dating a little more adventurous and put a little more thought into it. We've taken in a live theater performance, tried some new restaurants, sometimes at different times of the day. We have never really been movie people, though. It seemed we either saw only kid friendly films or there just wasn't time. Lately we have really enjoyed seeing a few more movies than usual and there are even more on our list. Today, on a Sunday afternoon no less, I enjoyed a movie date with my boyfriend. We saw Cowboys and Aliens and had a great time. The theater was packed so my two or three unbridled, jump out of my seat screams were a little more embarrassing! The hot guy sitting next to me (also know as my hubby) found it extremely funny. In fact he's been known to laugh at me on other occasions as well, like this morning when I sang the "I Don't Want to Get Up!" song. It helps that we have similar tastes in movies and TV and lots of other things, but movies can be a fun time together. He even resisted the urge to critique the theology...come on, it's scifi, what did he expect? Daniel Craig makes a pretty great cowboy and Harrison Ford is, well, Harrison Ford. I think I like this relaxed and at the same time more adventurous season of dating. Next week, Larry Crowne or maybe Captain America and we may even try Greek food.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Pardon the Interruption...

Life...it's what happens when you're making other plans. I've been away from blogging for two whole months, not because nothing was happening but rather too much was happening. My sweet, sweet mother, who had been ill for most of this year, did not get better and come to live with me as I had planned. Instead she got worse, went on to heaven and will never come to live with me...as I had planned. I am still reeling, healing and trying to figure out what comes next. I was part of that sandwich generation, the generation of folks who find themselves with kids (or one, anyway) still at home and needing to care for aging, maybe ill parents. We had made plans to do this and I had come to even joyfully anticipate it. I had hoped our youngest would be out of the nest and safely away at school before Mom came to live here, for reasons only parents of big ol' boys might get. I also thought it would be much farther away, years even. Well, my "sandwich" just fell apart when my mother died last month. All the plans I had to make her remaining years totally awesome just slipped out and fell on the floor like so much lettuce! Now what!? I, with the ever able help of my precious hubby and very supportive children, am trying to figure that out. My job hunt continues without success. My goal to reach my neighbors for Christ and to enjoy this second half of life to its very fullest still remain. Yes, the wind has gone out of my sails just a bit. I don't sleep very well many nights. I see images of her last days more often than I would like. I cared for her with lots of love and tenderness but not nearly long enough. I am suddenly much too aware of my own mortality and my new position as the reigning matriarch of this side of the family. My eyes still "leak" pretty often and I miss my dear, little Mama like I never thought I would. I know she is having a real time in heaven, enjoying sweet tea in a mason jar, swinging in some porch swing on a big, sweeping porch and maybe even having girl talk with Ruth Bell Graham! I'm glad for her, that she is whole, pain free and completely happy, but I'm a little sad for me. I've been warned that I may miss her for a very long time. I hope I get better at this grieving thing. I also know she would want me to go on and live my life, for a very long time, with lots of gusto. So, to that end, I am back. I'm going to move forward with as much grace as I can find and do the things I should be doing. Thanks for waiting...

Monday, February 21, 2011

End Of An Era

This week we celebrate a birthday in our home, a pretty significant birthday. It marks the end of an era. Our "baby" leaves behind the teen years and enters the twenties. It truly seems like just yesterday he was a very little boy. Not only is he leaving behind the teen years, but we are as well! For the last eighteen years we have been the proud (and sometimes not so proud) parents to anywhere from one to four teenagers at any given time. Our home was always filled with the trappings of teenagers. The bathrooms were literally spilling over with blow dryers, curling irons or straighteners, acne cream, shampoo and conditioner for virtually every hair type and... laundry. The stairs were always littered with basketball shoes, school books, backpacks and purses...and sometimes, even laundry. Our bills! My goodness, the bills. Car insurance for that many young (read high risk) drivers sometimes rivaled the mortgage payment and before AT&T blessed us with a family plan we were even known to have cell phone bills in the $400 range. Gas for those expensive to insure cars, tuition, athletic fees, dance, guitar and piano lessons, band instruments, contact lenses and braces took a toll on the ol' pocketbook, yet, I have no memory of Dad ever complaining. I do, however remember the laundry. Mountains of it. I also remember curfews, proms, recitals, first dates and breakups. I remember ball games, track meets, college searches, youth group, mission trips, career choices, teachers, both horrible and truly remarkable and the bullies. I will never forget worrying when that teen driver took their very first solo trip behind the wheel or waiting up until that young man came in after taking a date home. I can't forget ER visits because of dumb stunts and the occasional appearance before a disciplinary committee, or two. I remember SATs, part time jobs, birthday parties, field trips, awards and accolades and lots of graduations...and the laundry. I recall many a night when the weight of the world was just too heavy for one particular teen and they just had to talk it out...right now. There were ups and downs, laughter and tears, bad days (or weeks!) and really good ones, too.

I had feared the teen years from the time our first little one arrived, thanks in no small part to the dreaded warnings of not so well meaning observers. I must say, now that the job is nearly done, it was not as awful as even I had anticipated. I loved having teenagers, in spite of the mess and noise...and even the laundry. This season has been long and at times arduous, and the deep physical tired of the preschool years gave way to the unforgettable emotional tired of gradually letting go. I have truly enjoyed watching them grow from children to adults (or nearly so), mostly with a minimum of angst and very little rebellion. Teenage years, I bid you a fond farewell.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Unfinished

I am a doer, very task oriented and prefer to have things wrapped up in nice, neat packages. People sometimes tease me about it. I might even have some teeny weeny control issues but that is another post altogether. Those tendencies may explain why unfinished projects are really bothersome to me. Nevertheless, I seem to accumulate them on several fronts. Since I still don't have a job, something about which I have no insight at the moment, it seems that this season would be a good one for undertaking some of those aforementioned bothersome things. I have unfinished books I had hoped to read, unfinished art projects ranging from paintings to drawings to sculptures. I have unfinished decorating projects including a huge, blank wall in my living room that really needs attention. I have unfinished organizing projects that just might make all the uncontrollable things in life seem a little more manageable. I even have unfinished education. It seems I am only one class away from finishing my Biblical Counseling coursework. Even if I have no concrete plans to actually use this accumulated knowledge, I think it would be good to finish the work. That will require lots and lots of reading, listening to hours of lectures and writing many essays before I obtain that lovely parchment certificate that says I actually finished something. It's funny how our minds work...I want a job, in part because I have way too much time on my hands but until now just didn't really want to get busy on these projects. It just got easier and easier to stare at the computer screen wishing that magic job would appear. Idleness just seemed to flow into more idleness. Sighing became more common. These are not traits I am proud of, have really had the time to indulge before now and certainly never aspired to. I guess I'm still unfinished as well. Perhaps a big, bold list of unfinished projects, displayed prominantly will help me choose action on those long, dark winter days. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to post some photos of some of those soon to be finished projects. stay tuned.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

The State of Our Union

Some years ago, nearly twenty, hubby and I began a practice that continues today. We had heard that "If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time" so we wanted to set down some goals for each new year in an attempt not to "hit nothing" every time. To that end, we decided right before New Year's Day every year we would slip away for a nice, quiet, uninterrupted dinner and discuss the high points and low points of the previous year. We dubbed it the "State of the Union Date." We wanted to take stock of our marriage and family as well as ourselves as individuals and determine where we really were and what we would like to see God do for us and with us in the upcoming year. These plans and goals were not so much resolutions because we all know what happens to those. They weren't even just hopes we had for the upcoming year. They were much more.

When we started this practice we had six kids living at home. They were all in that middle years place where none of them drove yet but they all had many activities on their schedules that consumed a great deal of time. Understandably then the needs of our growing family took up lots of space on our goals list. We took the time to thoughtfully examine the lives of each child and wrote down a few things we wanted to undertake together to help them grow over the next year. Those listed items varied a great deal from the deeply spiritual to the downright mundane. Sometimes a child really needed to grow in the area of compassion and selflessness while another just needed to stop sucking their thumb! Sometimes it had to do with getting a child ready for launch, other times it was helping them take responsibility for cleaning their room. We were, by listing these items, not just crossing our fingers and hoping that in 365 days they would magically be changed. We determined to pray specifically about those areas but also to actively involve ourselves in the solutions, developing plans to see them accomplished. We did the same for ourselves as individuals and as a couple. We assessed such areas as physical, emotional and spiritual well-being and determined what areas we would focus on individually and together. We discussed and set goals regarding our service, our friendships, our use of time and money. Some years our marriage had taken a beating or we were just living parallel lives. Taking a hard look forced us to make changes and work hard at restoring and renewing our relationship. Thankfully, we never went very long in a state of marital unrest before such an assessment took place. Not surprisingly, nearly every year we set goals to lose weight, exercise more and save more money or get out of debt so maybe a few were a little like some resolutions. Nevertheless,  just being aware of what the other thought needed attention helped us to be more united and supportive of one another. We also learned that two really are better than one and we often see things from different perspectives. This exercise was not just for efficiency and accountability but it also fostered greater unity in our marriage. It took teamwork and over the years we have come to really treasure these times. Some years our date was very special, taking place at a nice restaurant with much fanfare. Once, hubby even saved a very special gift, a piece of jewelry, and presented it at this event. It had been a very good year. Other years, like this one, were more low key. Last night we found ourselves at home, alone, enjoying a date at our own table because the work schedule just didn't really allow for anything else. It was still a good year...a very good year.

I can only recall two years since we started this practice that we did not have our annual "State of the Union" date. There were times, to be sure, that one or the other of us just didn't want to but only twice were we both so discouraged that we decided to forgo the custom. Once when cancer lived at our house...we were just treading water. Just staying afloat was enough. Neither of us had the energy, the inspiration or the hope to look forward to the new year with anticipation. We were just spent. The other was a year so fraught with difficulty and financial woes that neither of us looked up long enough to plan the time and it just didn't happen. I don't see us missing anymore. We also learned after a few years of doing this that having a mid-year reassessment was a good idea. Waiting to look at the list again until late in the year left little time to regroup if we got off track. While we wanted the list to be private, keeping the document close at hand was a better plan. We have also really enjoyed going over past lists and recounting all the good that has transpired.

This year was a little different than others in several ways. Nearly all of our children are married. Oh, we still pray for them and many of their names found their way onto our list for this year, just not quite like when they were children living in our home. Now career goals apply to me as well.  We also set some new goals, relative to our new season of life. Hubby suggested we try a new date type or location each month...like a new restaurant, a concert or play, Murder Mystery Train Ride or festival in some other town. Ever the romantic, he also insisted that we plan at least two weekend getaways. We also determined to be more purposeful in developing new friendships. We set very specific goals in the area of fitness and finance rather than nebulous ones like lose weight and save more. I think we will be encouraged as the year plays out and we see forward progress in so many areas. At some level this just speaks to good stewardship. I even heard a couple of my children talking about their own "State of the Union" dates this week. I hadn't really thought they noticed but am very glad they have determined that such a practice might be useful to them.

Happy New Year!