Fly Away, Little Birds...

See those little birds, up there to your right? They represent my little birds, the ones who have all flown away, or nearly so. One still technically calls this home but he is so rarely here that it has become little more than a pit stop. He drops in for food and clean clothes on a fairly regular basis, both of which still magically appear in his life. The others flew the coop, in what felt for all the world like the great migration. Oh, they began leaving several years ago. College, the Navy, foreign service, jobs, you get the picture. This was still home base, though. The place they came on school breaks, leave, holidays and really whenever they needed encouragement (or maybe it was just clean laundry and a good meal!) I still managed most things for them, whether it was keeping up with important papers, navigating college registration, dealing with tuition, medical bills, keeping gas in their cars and cell phones in their hands. I was the one they called about laundry disasters, whether or not they could eat something they had not, perhaps, stored properly and sometimes girl (or maybe even, boy) issues. OK, some of them still ask about those things, but not nearly as often. I made their doctor and dentist appointments, and generally served as their multi-purpose solution to most things in life. That's all changed. I really began to get it when within a twenty-one month period, five of our six "birdies" decided to marry. I'll recount the blessings of all those weddings in another post. I felt the emptiness, slowly at first when there was not as much laundry to be done, fewer places at the table and even less mess. I felt it as a new school year came and I was not preparing for it like I had for so many years prior. I really began to feel it as I released documents, long held securely, to now adult children or better yet, their new wives. Documents like birth certificates! Weren't those mine, given as some kind of award for birthing these six babies? No, they were theirs and they needed them now. Social Security cards, High School and College diplomas, transcripts...all the things I had kept so safely all these years were now in their hands. What if they lose them? Well, that will be their problem to deal with, won't it? I had to learn to suggest solutions to dilemmas when asked rather than offering them as I would before they were adults, and married at that. It took a few rewinds, if you will, before I began to get the hang of it. One of the best books I read on this season of life explained that in order to make this transition smoothly, mothers need to become smaller in the lives of their children. That was hard for me to take but I had to agree. For thirty years my main purpose has been mothering these kids, in a big way. By necessity as well as by choice, the rhythm of my life was determined largely by their needs. My schedule, my focus, my attention, my affection, my energy, our money...all were devoted to bringing these kids to right where they are now. No, it isn't over. That has been made clear. Kids aren't grown, we've learned, because they reach eighteen, high school graduation or even marriage. We had an adult child or two move back home because of  unemployment or a job that didn't just magically appear after college graduation. They will always be our children and most of them still seem  to want our involvement in their lives. Our relationship to them must change, however, and in my experience, change can be hard. There are way too many empty hours in my day now, lots more quiet than I am used to and I still buy entirely too much toilet paper! Old habits die hard. I, with the able assistance of my dear husband, am seeking God about what's next for this nearly empty nest. I need good work to do. I'm looking into that. Holidays have become harder to deal with as so many kids are going so many different directions. I am determined never to be that mother-in-law by guilting my kids into always being with us. We are learning to just go ahead with plans and not worry so much that someone might need us, or just want to eat at our place. I am beginning to understand that it is perfectly fine if we have a life, too, even if it is in a quieter, neater, and smaller nest.