Ready...Set....GO?

I have been giving serious consideration to re-entering the work world since just before my last child graduated from high school. In fact, he would sometimes catch me looking at job postings online and remind me that I wasn't finished raising him yet. "Will I ever really be finished?" I wondered. Will I ever not be a mother, concerned about whatever concerns my children, no matter their age? I'll let you know when I find out.

I had several reasons for thinking about going back to work. I only worked a few years before becoming a mother and have not accumulated sufficient Social Security credits to expect any benefits when that time comes. Of course, we may all be wondering if we should be counting on that, no matter how long we have been in the workforce. The recent economic downturn made quick work of our retirement account. I would like to help build that nest egg back up and maybe even pay off the house (OK, I do dream big!) Probably the most important reason for considering a job outside my home is that I just have too much time on my hands now that the children are all grown and I think I still have a number of good years left. I find I am a bit lonely, sometimes, and might enjoy having co-workers among my circle of friends. Once, when I was filling in for my Nanny daughter, I made a list (I love doing that!) of all the things I hoped our empty nest years would be, goals we would like to pursue and characteristics and qualities I would like to find in a job that would contribute to fulfilling those goals, rather than interfering with them. That list is a little tattered and smudged after eighteen months in my purse but I pulled it out before I began my job search in earnest.

Together, Mr. Brown and I decided that a part time position would be better than full-time, at least until he is able to transition into a more regular Monday through Friday schedule. He currently works twelve hour days every other Wednesday and every Thursday, Friday and Saturday. He is always off Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and every other Wednesday. He has been doing this for twenty one years and it has worked beautifully for our family. I am used to it but now that I am the only one home most days, those days feel even longer. It has gotten harder for him, too, as work has increased and available employees have decreased. We hope that in a few years he can find a second career that is not quite as high pressure and demanding and fits a more regular Monday through Friday lifestyle. I do not want for us to become two ships passing in the night and find myself working while he is home and vise versa. This first consideration has limited my job possibilities quite a bit. It seems there just aren't many jobs that fit my unusual schedule requirements. I also decided, with hubby's enthusiastic support, that I do not want to cook, wait tables, chase babies, wrangle teenagers, clean houses or do anything with clothing. I think I have done plenty of that. Nor do I want to work in a fitness center, tanning salon, spa or cosmetic surgeon's office, thank you very much. I would like to be proud of where I work not spend my days wishing I looked younger. My skills, at least the ones asked about on applications and filling space on my resume, lie largely in the clerical and administrative zone. I want to work in a nice place and have a reason to get dressed up each day. I am not too concerned about what I earn but it needs to be enough to make it worth buying those cute clothes, a car, gas and insurance for that car and hopefully have a little something left over each month. So far, so good...or so it seems.

As it turns out, jobs are not just laying around for the taking. Schedules don't line up, the drive is too far or I just do not possess the necessary skills. Furthermore, the entire application process has changed completely from when I found my last job. Back then, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I went to the UT employment office, filled out an application, with a pen, not a computer, took a typing test, reported for an interview and was hired the next day. Done! Now, I search high and low for a job that even remotely matches my skills, I fill out pages and pages of an online application, attach (with no small degree of difficulty) my carefully crafted resume and cover letter, hit submit and watch all my work disappear through a wire into the ground (My oldest son told me that's what he thinks happens to online job applications and he should know.) Never will I know if it actually reached its intended destination or receive any word as to the status of that job. I learned my new found job hunting skills from my very able and experienced children, one of whom pretty much runs the Human Resources department of a large hospital system in a very large city. I had my resume built by a professional, my cover letters are customized to each job for which I am applying, my references are impeccable, if a little old. This has to be one of the more demoralizing experiences of my life. I suddenly have a much greater appreciation for all the job seekers out there. I take great comfort in the fact that all of my needs are met and I do not need this job to feed my family or keep a roof over our heads. Thank You, Jesus! I knew it was hard to find work, I just had no idea how very sad and overwhelming the application process could be.

I finally had my first walk into a brick and mortar building, look someone in the eye, fill it out with a pen application experience this week! I had been counseled to jump on these opportunities quickly as they are few and far between. It took quite a while to fill out the paperwork, which was not the same as what I had seen online, by the way. I was able to speak to two different employees at that time and then had to go back later in the day to sign one more form. As it turned out, I met the person who would be my supervisor on the last visit. We had a previous, and positive connection, as I do business with this company regularly. I was so charged! Finally, some forward progress...then it happened.

I began to second guess my every choice. Did I wear the right clothes? I know I looked cute, but too "cute?" Were boots OK? Was my hair current enough or not enough? How about my make-up? Do I need a makeover? Was I too enthusiastic? Did I seem desperate? Talk too much? Too little? I was shaking like a leaf filling out the application. Was my handwriting wiggly? Did I misspell anything? Maybe I can't do this job...maybe they want someone younger, thinner, smarter...what if, what if, what if? I might as well have been standing in that lobby naked for all the confidence I had. I so hope no one could tell! For thirty years the little people I have been working with have pretty much thought I was awesome, no matter what. At least that was true until their ages ended in anything-teen. My supervisor thought I was pretty grand as well, and still does. I heard everyday what a great job I was doing. I didn't have to prove myself to anyone, especially on one sheet of paper or one line of an application. Whew...remind me again why I thought I could do this?!

I hope to get a call back for an interview soon. I hope I can conduct myself in that interview in such a way that someone will give me the chance to show them what I can do, that I can learn, that I am trustworthy and hard working. I hope I don't faint or throw up or cry....I'll let you know.