Thirty Years Ago

On this day, thirty years ago, my life completely changed. How I invested my time, my money, the affections of my heart and the thoughts of my mind would never be the same. My priorities, my goals and my dreams were all forever altered, for on that day, I became a mother. Shortly after noon on November 12, 1980, a perfectly precious little boy was placed in my arms for the very first time. He stayed right there (except for the occasional bath and weigh in) for the next thirty six hours until a wise nurse finally convinced me to let him stay in the nursery for just a bit so I could sleep. I spent those hours studying every detail of his face, just taking it all in. Newborns have a very special scent...they smell, well, warm. I marvelled at his wispy hair, his sweet lips, his perfect little fingers and toes. I was absolutely smitten. So much so, in fact, that five more precious bundles would come along over the next ten years.

I was as prepared for labor as I could be and I was blessed to have easy, relatively pain free deliveries. I've actually had headaches worse than childbirth. I have been told, however, by someone who was there, that I did threaten to get up and leave because I was just "done" and had changed my mind about this whole baby thing. Not to worry, I did, in fact, go the distance. (I might have threatened that a few times over the ensuing thirty years as well...just sayin'.)

What came afterward, however, was a complete surprise. I had no prior experience with babies. I had no clue what to expect once the real work of motherhood began. Diapers, sleepless nights, spit up and everything else associated with new babies soon gave way to toddlers, potty training and before long, learning to read, and so on and so on, times six. I was completely unprepared for the all encompassing nature of motherhood. I didn't know how much work it would be, and I don't just mean changing diapers and cleaning up. I was not at all prepared for the real world of motherhood.

I didn't know...

-that I could love someone so much. I still haven't gotten over that.

-that I could be so selfish and angry over things like interrupted sleep. I got over that part, mostly.

-that I could find such joy in little things like first steps, new words, sticky kisses, a warm, clean, just out of the bath kid wrapped in a towel, baking cookies, learning to read and ride a bike, birthday parties and all the other day to day parts of childhood.

-just how many diapers I would change, messes I would clean up, meals I would prepare, loads of laundry I would wash. That I would attend so many dance recitals, football and basketball games, track meets, vocal performances and coffeehouse gigs...not so much of that anymore.

-that I would feel every pain and disappointment and share every joy along the way...that hasn't changed much either.

-that I could pray so hard, so often and so relentlessly.

-that a God-centered family is better than a child-centered one and that it's not about me...I'm glad we learned this earlier rather than later.

-that there was abundant grace for my mistakes and the hard places along the way...turns out God is way bigger than I thought when this journey first began.

-that no matter how hard I tried or how much I wanted it to be otherwise, some of my children would make some choices I might be sad about...it seems I am way smaller than I thought when this journey first began.

-that emotionally tired is really harder than physically tired. Still so true.

-that motherhood is not an equal sort of thing. My children will never be as devoted to me as I have been and still am to them. It is what it is...by the time they are really old enough to "get it" they are married and probably caring for children of their own.

-that I would learn so much about our great God through this endeavor and that by being a mother I would become a better child.

-that the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction found in this job is rivaled by nothing else I've ever done or will do. It is my Magnum Opus.

Thirty years. Where ever did they go?