The State of Our Union

Some years ago, nearly twenty, hubby and I began a practice that continues today. We had heard that "If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time" so we wanted to set down some goals for each new year in an attempt not to "hit nothing" every time. To that end, we decided right before New Year's Day every year we would slip away for a nice, quiet, uninterrupted dinner and discuss the high points and low points of the previous year. We dubbed it the "State of the Union Date." We wanted to take stock of our marriage and family as well as ourselves as individuals and determine where we really were and what we would like to see God do for us and with us in the upcoming year. These plans and goals were not so much resolutions because we all know what happens to those. They weren't even just hopes we had for the upcoming year. They were much more.

When we started this practice we had six kids living at home. They were all in that middle years place where none of them drove yet but they all had many activities on their schedules that consumed a great deal of time. Understandably then the needs of our growing family took up lots of space on our goals list. We took the time to thoughtfully examine the lives of each child and wrote down a few things we wanted to undertake together to help them grow over the next year. Those listed items varied a great deal from the deeply spiritual to the downright mundane. Sometimes a child really needed to grow in the area of compassion and selflessness while another just needed to stop sucking their thumb! Sometimes it had to do with getting a child ready for launch, other times it was helping them take responsibility for cleaning their room. We were, by listing these items, not just crossing our fingers and hoping that in 365 days they would magically be changed. We determined to pray specifically about those areas but also to actively involve ourselves in the solutions, developing plans to see them accomplished. We did the same for ourselves as individuals and as a couple. We assessed such areas as physical, emotional and spiritual well-being and determined what areas we would focus on individually and together. We discussed and set goals regarding our service, our friendships, our use of time and money. Some years our marriage had taken a beating or we were just living parallel lives. Taking a hard look forced us to make changes and work hard at restoring and renewing our relationship. Thankfully, we never went very long in a state of marital unrest before such an assessment took place. Not surprisingly, nearly every year we set goals to lose weight, exercise more and save more money or get out of debt so maybe a few were a little like some resolutions. Nevertheless,  just being aware of what the other thought needed attention helped us to be more united and supportive of one another. We also learned that two really are better than one and we often see things from different perspectives. This exercise was not just for efficiency and accountability but it also fostered greater unity in our marriage. It took teamwork and over the years we have come to really treasure these times. Some years our date was very special, taking place at a nice restaurant with much fanfare. Once, hubby even saved a very special gift, a piece of jewelry, and presented it at this event. It had been a very good year. Other years, like this one, were more low key. Last night we found ourselves at home, alone, enjoying a date at our own table because the work schedule just didn't really allow for anything else. It was still a good year...a very good year.

I can only recall two years since we started this practice that we did not have our annual "State of the Union" date. There were times, to be sure, that one or the other of us just didn't want to but only twice were we both so discouraged that we decided to forgo the custom. Once when cancer lived at our house...we were just treading water. Just staying afloat was enough. Neither of us had the energy, the inspiration or the hope to look forward to the new year with anticipation. We were just spent. The other was a year so fraught with difficulty and financial woes that neither of us looked up long enough to plan the time and it just didn't happen. I don't see us missing anymore. We also learned after a few years of doing this that having a mid-year reassessment was a good idea. Waiting to look at the list again until late in the year left little time to regroup if we got off track. While we wanted the list to be private, keeping the document close at hand was a better plan. We have also really enjoyed going over past lists and recounting all the good that has transpired.

This year was a little different than others in several ways. Nearly all of our children are married. Oh, we still pray for them and many of their names found their way onto our list for this year, just not quite like when they were children living in our home. Now career goals apply to me as well.  We also set some new goals, relative to our new season of life. Hubby suggested we try a new date type or location each month...like a new restaurant, a concert or play, Murder Mystery Train Ride or festival in some other town. Ever the romantic, he also insisted that we plan at least two weekend getaways. We also determined to be more purposeful in developing new friendships. We set very specific goals in the area of fitness and finance rather than nebulous ones like lose weight and save more. I think we will be encouraged as the year plays out and we see forward progress in so many areas. At some level this just speaks to good stewardship. I even heard a couple of my children talking about their own "State of the Union" dates this week. I hadn't really thought they noticed but am very glad they have determined that such a practice might be useful to them.

Happy New Year!