Hello. I Love You. Good-Bye.

No, it isn't the world's shortest love story, another new romantic comedy coming to theaters near you or the end of this blog. It is, according to a Yahoo article I read recently, a list of the three most important phrases needed in a relationship. I get the "I Love You" part, especially as it relates to close relationships like parents, spouse, children or maybe even boyfriend/girlfriend. (Not, probably, the Schwan Man.) The other two caused me to stop and think a little more.

I don't recall hearing too much of any of those phrases growing up. I didn't spend much time with extended family and my mother worked most of the time. Comings and goings were without much notice by anyone and we just weren't very free with nice words. Once I met Bill, that all changed. And then once we married and started a family, things changed even more. We said lots of hello and good-bye. Little ones learn bye-bye pretty early if even just to wave (or cry, if bye-bye was seen as a bad thing.) We have always made much of Daddy's arrival home at the end of the day. Squeals of "Daddy's home!" happened like clockwork. Even now, without any children usually here to greet him, the dogs more than make up for it, much to my dismay. I try always to stop what I'm doing and address Bill, or anyone else who enters our home. According to the study cited in the article, not a study by particularly religious people, this practice validates people, makes them feel welcomed and wanted and worthwhile. I hadn't given much thought to the actual practice and why we have it until I read the article. It caused me to think of several instances when things went a bit awry.

Imagine a dropped cell phone call in the heat of an unpleasant conversation. That has happened a couple of times. Both parties are left feeling disconnected (oh, that's funny), maybe even unheard or disregarded, and go through the rest of the day with a less than warm and fuzzy feeling. When that happens, we try always to reconnect even if just to say a proper good-bye and agree to revisit the conversation face to face.

Or think of the times you have said "hello" to someone and they just ignored you. Maybe they didn't hear your greeting, but you think they probably did. I have felt that and it is hurtful.

When my children were very young, mornings were often difficult. I have been in the practice of getting up early with my hubby to prepare his breakfast, pack him a lunch, usually pray together and read some devotional material and see him off. By the time the kids got up, some time had passed. It had already been a long day. They were not always sweet and cuddly, no, sometimes they were downright gnarly, one in particular! Forget warm and fuzzy! I brought this up during an older women mentoring younger women event. The question, posed to me by one of the dear older saints was "Well, darlin', how pleasant are you in the morning?" She so nailed me! I tried a new approach the very next day and have not abandoned it yet. I began greeting my children (and hubby as well) with a bright, cheerful "Good Morning!" They may not have appreciated it for all it was worth but it set a pattern that has served us well. If after my lovely greeting, they continued to cry or grouse around or throw themselves on the floor in a fit, they went right back to bed until they could participate in the day with a happy heart. (the children, of course! Bill has yet to throw himself on the floor in a fit!)  Worked like a charm. Bill even composed a lovely wake up song for our kids that they came to despise during their high school years. On Sundays he would sing them awake, loudly and with much fanfare! Maybe not exactly what the article was endorsing but still quite effective. The most certainly felt acknowledged. Lest you think I have this down perfectly, think again. Those who know me very well at all, may be aware that morning is not my preferred time of day. I do it, day after day (don't we all?) I mean I really do it. I get up, I cook, get dressed, you know...but I don't always enjoy it. On one recent Sunday, when we had to rise earlier than usual to make preparation for a Big Lunch event (more on that in a later post) I simply could not contain my utter distaste for waking up that early. Much thrashing of covers, kicking of feet and spirited declarations of "I DO NOT WANT TO GET UP!" eminated from my side of the bed. Laughter came from Bill's! I did get up and got my happy on but it took a minute or two, and maybe some coffee. Good thing there were no children present to witness that unfortunate outburst.

In some cultures, like that of my sweet Ghanaian son-in-law, greetings are a sign of respect. Not to greet someone properly is considered an affront. George always greets me formally when we meet. He stops what he is doing if I enter their home and speaks specifically to me and to anyone else who has entered. If he has come into mine and I am busy at the sink, for instance, he will position himself directly in front of me, over the bar, so that he may address me respectfully. I always feel honored.

Even now, the lone kid who resides at this address receives a cheerful greeting when he gets up. It may be good afternoon rather than good morning, but it is a greeting, nonetheless. An acknowledgement that I see you and I am glad you are here. The same goes for leaving the house or returning. It's just kind. We don't sneak out without saying good bye to one another. Your presence matters to me whether you are with me or away.

In thinking through this article and study, I realized some good, good reasons for this practice. I say hello, to my family, my friends, even to strangers. I appreciate it when others show me the same consideration. Without that we can all feel invisible or ignored. Maybe that's one reason this job search thing is so hard. Maybe that's why some children are so poorly behaved. To some, even negative attention is better than none. I don't want that to be true for anyone within my sphere of influence. If I can, by simply greeting someone, make their day, or their life, better, I will.

"Hello."
"Hi!"
"Good morning."
"Good evening."
"How 'ya doin'?"
'Sup Dog?... I suppose any greeting will do. Just recognize my presence! (Don't worry, I do NOT plan to start saying "Sup Dog!)

We always say good-bye, always say I love you, when Bill leaves each morning. God forbid, but we never know if today could be the last time we might see one another. The same is true for our kids. They are all healthy, as are we, but things happen. I want the last words spoken between us to always be sweet words. I want to live without regret all the way to the end.

Hello....I love you.....Good-bye!

Simple, easy and free! Something to think about.