That Chest Pain Thing

One of the things my hubby and I have decided as we move into the second half is that we will not be the kind of old people who go on and on about every little ache and pain, discussing their latest doctor visit, colonoscopy, or new prescription drug and all of the related side effects. We just won't...not gonna do it...wouldn't be prudent. The downside to that is that sometimes we don't want to say anything when maybe we should. Case in point, hubby's chest pain, shortness of breath event this week that led to a less than pleasant stay in the hospital, at my insistence. After way too many pokes, tests and drugs, along with one very sleepless night, he has been pronounced healthy and we need not worry about his ticker...at least not at the moment. I don't know about you, but hospital visits, for chest pains, for anyone, are troublesome and just a wee bit scary. When it's your very own true love, it can stir up some things. I could not help but think, as I walked alone, in the dark, to my car, still parked outside the ER, what life would look like had this not ended as nicely as it did. Who would I be? What would I miss?

Would I still be the person I am now? How much of what I do and who I am is for his benefit? Is that a bad thing? Would the kids worry about me all the time, checking up on me to be sure I wasn't sitting in the dark, alone? Would I still get dressed pretty every day and put on make-up? Would I make the bed...every day? Would I cook for myself? What about church? I know, I like to think I am a true person, don't we all? How much of what I do is because of who is watching me? What would I want to be sure to continue? What would change? I have friends who have been down this road recently. I am taking notes. I hope I don't need to use them for a very long time.

What would I miss? I would miss the routine of mornings together, reading Our Daily Bread like my grandmother did with my grandfather. I would miss how excited he still gets over the simplest things like a good meal, cooler weather or a lovely sunset. I would miss our walks and our talks. We do a lot of both. I would miss his sheer delight in all things Lowe's or Home Depot. I would miss how he still wants to learn new things like glass etching, wood carving or metal work. I would miss how he will try things he didn't think he would like, just for me...like cruise vacations, sweaters that zip and the State Fair. I would miss his love of fire and how he still runs outside at the sound of sirens or any kind of aircraft overhead. I would miss the way he drives, and that's all I'm gonna say about that. I would miss his tender heart...how he cries at Extreme Makeover Home Edition every single time. I would miss hearing him talk to his kids, on speakerphone, in the living room, loudly! And I would miss listening as he gently coaches them, now that they are all grown and don't need him to tell them what to do. I would miss his wonderful pedicures, a skill he acquired when I was too pregnant to see my own toes and that he continues to this day. I would miss how he always thinks the best of people, calls everyone "partner" or uses their name if they have on a name tag. I would miss how he always checks to see if that stranded motorist is a lady...and tries to help if he can. I would miss his big, strong, muscular hands and arms, made so by decades of hard work, performed without complaint. I would miss his hair, graying but still quite present! So short that you'd never guess, but I know it's curly. I see the same trait in about half of our kids, much to their dismay. I would miss his lack of rhythm but relentless attempts at dancing, another thing he tries to master for me. I would miss his now famous MC Hammer dance. I would miss his quite varied taste in music ranging from Bob Marley to Hillsong and Chris Tomlin to anything by his musical kids to smooth jazz and 70s greats. I would miss the way he always positions himself between me and whatever danger may lurk nearby, be it a mud puddle, an unleashed dog, oncoming cars or just foot traffic. I would miss the way he still opens doors for me, gives me the whipped cream and cherry on top of anything, and calls me at lunch and on his way home from work. I would miss how he calls me "Love." I would miss his collection of magazines, Popular Mechanics, Popular Science, Air and Space...the ones I think are boring, that are all over the house. I would miss how he loves to surprise me with bubble bath, chocolate and cards, lovingly hidden where I will find them when he is not home. I would miss hearing him tell me that he wouldn't want to go through life with anyone but me and that I am his "favorite" wife. I would miss how mad he gets at the dogs but at the same time how he feeds them from the table. I would miss enjoying our as yet unseen grandchildren together. He is already such a softy, picking out sweet little clothes and cool toys. I would miss the humble way he receives criticism, always asking himself if there is any truth in the charge. I would miss watching his unwavering devotion to God and willingness to serve, no matter how small or mundane the task. I would miss the travel we have planned together. There are hundreds of other things I would miss. I could never list them all. I am so glad I would sincerely miss him for in this time there are husbands and wives who would not miss one another in the least. But I am glad, most of all, that I don't have to miss him now.